First things first, you’re single and need to accept it. It might not have been your choice, but it’s real and hoping to wake up and find it was all a bad dream isn’t going to work as a long term solution. If you’re newly single and feeling lost, it’s time to find yourself.
It’s one of those old sayings things that you have to love yourself before anyone else will love you. It’s also true, to an extent. You are going to struggle to find a good relationship if you don’t know what you want out of life.
What do you want out of life?
This isn’t something that will remain set in stone for your whole life. What you want will change as you do. As you reach one goal, you’ll set another, and there will be some goals that you set now that just won’t apply until you hit 40. There will also be goals you didn’t think you’d have that you suddenly find make sense.
Right now, though, think about what you want. Be completely honest. It’s fine if what you want is a good paying job and a hot fling, or if you want a husband and three kids. You might not get exactly what you want, but you need to know what your ideal is so you can figure out where you’ll accept compromises.
Too many women allow themselves to be defined as so-and-so’s girlfriend/wife/sister/mother. Who are you? Who do you want to be?
Being newly single can be a great time to really think about this point. Define yourself for yourself. You might feel that things are in a bit of an upheaval after a relationship ends, but it can often be the best time to chuck everything else on that bonfire, too. There’s a logic to going the whole hog on disruption.
Consider what you wanted out of life before your relationship and what you want now. Are there any goals that got put aside because of your relationship? Go back to university, apply for that new job, move to that new city
It might be a bit cliché, but finding yourself might also mean making some changes to your appearance. Getting a makeover might not be a dramatic, Pretty Woman type of affair, but it could be enough to jolt you out of your funk. We wrap so much of our emotional well-being and self-esteem up in our physical appearance that it is sometimes necessary to give ourselves a good once over.
Being newly single can be the push you might need to start going to the gym, too. Whether you go there and keep your head down, or get to know the other people working out, it can serve to give you a new part of your life.
The biggest part of finding yourself after a break up is to accept that the break up has happened. Accept that it’s over, and don’t beat yourself up trying to figure out why it’s over. It’s not worth thinking about what could have been, or where you may have gone wrong.
You’re single now, and you’re ready to make the most out of it. Be wonderfully selfish and make your life your own.
Kissy Bang Bang is a London brand that supports sexual health.