Ladies and (oddly) gentlemen, it’s time to put the fake tan down. It’s just not washing with me, or washing off in some cases. Honestly, how do people think that looking seven shades of orange will get them admired, hired, or laid? I thought so, beer goggles only. This unnatural habit has the nation under an arrest of false ideas about beauty. It’s making me feel as uncomfortable as older adults listening to Skrillex.
Now, this isn’t just the vent of a pale person. I’ve tried to Fake Bake, St Tropez, and Johnson’s myself on many an occasion. I scrubbed, paid through the nose, and applied. I’ve smelt like egg and potatoes, and I did my time. Until Facebook became involved. When I looked in the mirror and thought I looked an acceptable shade of mahogany for someone with pale Irish decent, the harsh reality was very different — what a wake-up.
The truth is, fake tan never used to be this bad. A little color to your skin, done by a professional with legitimate products, used to be okay. It seems that people are taking it to new levels of unacceptable. Our friends at Pale is the New Tan are treating this issue seriously. In the face of the orange, they say nay with an entertaining hall of shame.
Going a natural needn’t be shameful, though. I don’t believe that ‘pale is interesting,’ but it works better than looking like you need a good scrub down.
As hilarious as these so-called beauty-queens are, there is an underbelly to all these chemicals squatting on your skin. Be it you avoid the rays of the sun, faking it can still make you look like a purse in the end.
To put it, the main ingredient in spray tans is dihydroxyacetone (DHA), which is easy to inhale, especially in tanning booths that use delicate sprays to apply the product. This chemical has been linked to worsening asthma and can lead to other lung problems, e.g. emphysema. Further to this, our science buddies have found that being left on the skin can affect the cells deep down and could lead to skin cancer.
So, think of your health and your looks; take a trip down to the sunglasses shop and buy some shades to protect your eyes from the incandescent glow of a fake tanned generation. Do you agree, disagree, or have any bogus tan failures to share?