You may think you are a one man woman; in reality, you are involved with a lot more men than you think. That’s right. When you are dating a guy, you are in a relationship with all his best buddies too.
Some men welcome their buddy’s girl with open arms, expressing genuine happiness. Others are a bit more hesitant. They may interpret your arrive as the beginning of the end. And they probably don’t like their “no girls allowed” club has come to a screeching halt.
Are you worried about what the guys think of you? You should be. Those guys where there before you and, if you don’t play your cards right, they’ll be there after you’re long gone.
Luckily, it takes very little effort to show your boyfriend’s buddies that you value their supportive, ongoing presence in his life.
Take the time to learn some important tidbits about the boys before you are introduced. Pay attention when your boyfriend talks about his friends. Ask questions to fill in the gaps of his descriptions. When you finally meet the guys, it is beneficial to have something to add to the conversation. First impressions are important. Make yours a good one by throwing out a compliment on a recent achievement – the guys will eat it up.
During a hangout session with the guys, your body language will communicate a lot more than you suspect. If you are constantly glancing at your watch, staring off into space, or just generally acting bored and annoyed, the guys will notice. Instead, be an active listener. Smile. Nod. Comment on what the guys are talking about. Find a way to make the others feel you are interested without hogging the spotlight.
When asked in a pickup situation, cheesy icebreakers don’t do much good. But when you ask questions and genuinely care about the responses, you’ll make a good impression with the guys. Ask about their hometown, what sports they like to play, or simply chat about current events. If you want to go one step further, ask their advice about something. If you’re shopping for a new car, get their opinion. If you are interested in picking up some new workout gear, ask about the sporting outlets with the best prices. Ask what they think you should get your honey for his birthday.
When chatting with the guys, remember as much information as possible. Make a mental note of their birthdays. Remember which girlfriend’s name goes with which guy. Don’t disregard beloved pets either! To really make a lasting impression, ask what each guy’s favorite food is. The next time someone comes over, cook their favorite meal.
Naturally, you want to spend as much alone time with your man as possible. However, he needs his space. And his boys. When he wants to go out with the guys, don’t freak out. He isn’t tired of you. He’s not ready to run. He probably just wants to give 100% of his attention to the guys and come home and give 100% of his attention to you. It can be exhausting to juggle two different social groups at once. Encourage him to spend as much time with his friends as he needs.
You should always treat your boyfriend with respect and kindness – it is one of the things that will make you irresistible! If you needed one more reminder of why this is important, consider the following. When you constantly nag and criticize your boyfriend, he will probably turn around and complain to his friends. Do you really want that to be the impression the guys have of you?
Yes, you are an important part of your boyfriend’s life. However, the guys are important too. If you fail to win their friendship, don’t resort to a “them or me” ultimatum. You might feel like you’ve won, but it will only be a temporary win. In the long run, he’ll resent you for driving a wedge between him and his buddies.