No couple wants to hear the words “you are infertile.” Finding out that the road to starting a family will be more difficult for you and your partner than other couples can take a serious toll on your relationship and mental wellbeing. The important thing to remember is that infertility does not mean you cannot have a child, just that you will have to work harder than most. Speaking with infertility specialists can be great for weighing out your options, but there are things you and your partner can do on your own to keep your spirits high and be able to move from feelings of hopelessness to hopefulness.
Do Not Blame Each Other or Lose Your Love
There are a lot of emotions tied in with the ability to start a family and it is easy to fall into a blame-game with your partner. You must avoid this. Do not turn an unfortunate situation into a tragedy by allowing this hurdle to break up the love you have for each other. The love between the two of you should be at the center of your journey to parenthood, according to a segment of “Ten Commandments for Couples for Every Aspect of Your Relationship Journey” edited by Jeffrey Seig, Ph.D., and Tamy Kulbatsky, PsyD. The segment on infertility, written by Helen Adrienne, also explains that it is important to maintain the connection you have with each other, and when things get tough you need to return to that feeling.
Do Not Let it Control Your Entire Life
Dealing with fertility can become an all-consuming ordeal. While it is very important to both of you that you are able to overcome this setback and have a child, you cannot make it your whole life. There needs to be time left for the two of you to just be a normal couple. Too much focus on infertility could cause a rift in your relationship and worsen feelings of depression or hopelessness.
Be Open, Be Honest
As with any struggles we face in our lives, communication will be key to getting through them. You are a team and in order to keep the team strong you both need to be honest with each other about what you are feeling and how you want to proceed. The decision of how to handle your infertility needs to be something you agree on if you want to make it work.
Once you have spoken with experienced infertility specialists, speak with each other, and really work on building what you already have as you look to add even more to your life.