Getting stuck in an unhappy relationship is easier than you think. Human beings are creatures of habit, and once we’re comfortable with someone, it’s hard to change—even if it’s for the better. The age old saying, “stick with the devil you know” becomes all too applicable when it comes to our love lives.
Many times, people don’t even realize they are no longer happy with their partner. Facing the facts about your relationship can be hard, but once you see the truth and realize what you have to do, it can also be extremely liberating. Read these 5 signs it’s time to break up and honestly ask yourself if any of these apply to you. You may be surprised at what you’ve been avoiding.
1) You’ve Stopped Having Sex
“Down cycles” do happen, and while it is normal to cut back on the frequency of your bedroom shenanigans, it’s not normal for a couple to completely stop wanting to have sex with each other. This is especially true if you find yourself fantasizing exclusively about other people. People cheat because they want to be with someone else, but they are too scared to cut things off with the person they are with.
2) You Don’t Get Excited to See Them Anymore
Remember when you first fell in love, and the moments right before you are about to see the person you start feeling antsy and excited? When the relationship is still good, you should still look forward to seeing each other. If you’re indifferent about spending time together, it probably means you’ve started to grow apart and it’s time for a break. If after some time has passed you start to miss each other again, good. But if absence fails to make the heart grow fonder, time to make a clean break and keep looking.
3) You Would Rather Spend Saturday Nights With Friends
Of course you are going to want a night off here and there and enjoy a night out with friends, but if you find yourself never wanting to embark on a romantic date night with just the two of you, that’s a sign that the relationship is past its expiration date. You shouldn’t feel like the you two need to go out together in a group in order to have fun. Avoiding alone time is a big indicator that you are no longer compatible.
4) You’re Constantly Thinking About Other People
It’s not uncommon to develop crushes on other people while you’re in a committed relationship. But, if your “crushes” escalate into serious feelings, and you find yourself avoiding your partner or making excuses to go see your “coffee shop” crush, it might be time to let the one you’re with go, and actually start pursuing the people you want.
5) You Always Feel Like They Are Hiding Something From You
Even if you still have strong feelings for the one you’re with, if you find yourself overcome by the sneaking suspicion that they just aren’t telling you everything, you should leave. Trust issues will kill a relationship and make you both miserable. If you just can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right, then either one of two things is going on: 1) You’re right, and the person you’re with is actually hiding something from you like a criminal record they never told you about or 2) You are jealous and paranoid and should seek psychiatric help and avoid dating until you work out your issues. Either way, you can’t stay together and be happy if you don’t completely trust each other.
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Jessica Ruane is a writer based in San Diego, CA. She currently blogs for Instant Checkmate, an online background check company originally conceived to help online daters stay safe.